


4 Wheels to Love, 8 Hands to Hold: A One-Shot Saga

by chava_backup_plan



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Aragog is a Grump with a penchant for The Dramatic, Caragog-lovers to enemies, Fluff and Crack, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mosag is Dead, Other, Squog-best friends to lovers, this is a massive joke please don't take this seriously, this started as a joke yet here I am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:20:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29879664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chava_backup_plan/pseuds/chava_backup_plan
Summary: Why am I so invested in Aragog ships? Why did I write this? I'll tell you. It started as a simple joke among friends in the discord, talking about cursed Harry Potter ships. I took it a little too far and now I have written an actual crack fic featuring the two silliest ship names I could think of at the time - Caragog (The Flying Ford Anglia, named Carl here as well because why not, x Aragog) and Squog (the Giant Squid x Aragog).Basically, the Anglia and Aragog break up the same night the car helps Ron and Harry escape the spiders in Chamber of Secrets. A few weeks later after the end of the book's events, long time close friends the Giant Squid and Aragog get together.Maybe I am doing this, posting something goofy so I don't feel as intimidated to post the first chapter of the first real fic I am working on and really excited but nervous about. And? Mind your business. (/j)Anyway, maybe this will make you laugh the way I did writing most of it at 4 am. It is not serious, I edited it lightly one time and no one helped so yeah there is probably a mistake I missed. Try to enjoy it anyway if you want a laugh or just a weird time.
Relationships: Aragog/Flying Ford Anglia, Aragog/Giant Squid, Aragog/Mosag (Past), Caragog, Squog
Kudos: 1





	4 Wheels to Love, 8 Hands to Hold: A One-Shot Saga

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The Toxic Squad Discord](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=The+Toxic+Squad+Discord).



> I did in fact use Aragog's wiki page, and yes he is allegedly born/arrived to Hogwarts c. 1942 meaning he would be about 50-51 in 1993 when the fic takes place. Also that is where I got the reference for the size, was reminded he even had a wife and what the wife's name was, as well as that he was blind, apparently? 
> 
> The giant squid is purple because I said so and I made up some lore about them too because why not.
> 
> Also the car talks in beeps/horn honks which are understood by Aragog. The stuff in [] after is the translation for you. I didn't know how else to format it, and the thought of a car giving a soliloquy in sad honks and beeps was funny to me.

(Later the same night Harry and Ron followed the spiders into the Forbidden Forest)

“Well, fine! Leave then, you coward! How dare you drive them away, how dare you accuse me of being cruel! You know just as well as I what the deal is for pesky little brats that wander into this forest, into my domain, with no respect for anything but their own goals. Are those not the same children that nearly killed you before you came to me this past autumn?”

“Beep be-beep beep b-b-b-b-be-bee-beep beep beep bee bee b-be-beep beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!” [“You just don’t understand love. This has been coming, and you know it. You know this wasn’t meant to last long before you tried to eat the inventor’s son and his friend. And that certainly didn’t help anyway! You have had one leg out of the woods this whole time. I think we both need to go on from here, without each other, you just laid the final branch when you sent the kids after them. I’m leaving and you can’t stop me!”]

Those beautiful, bright high beams turned away from him and lit up the thick trunks and tangled branches, heavy with moss and fungus. A pause, and for a moment, Aragog thought perhaps Carl would take it all back. Perhaps he would stay and Aragog could relish in his dusty powder blue paint job next to him in his nest as they discussed the politics of the Forbidden, reprimanded his many children, and shared their secrets and fears about only existing because of the kindness and persistence of one hopeful wizard.

Sure, the way the honking woke up the little Acromantulas and the centaurs got a bit old every so often, but everyone had their quirks, didn’t they?

Alas, the powder blue, 1960 Ford Anglia 105E (with a few extra modifications allowing for extra passengers, an invisibility charm, and of course, flying two twelve year olds from King’s Cross to Scotland) revved up and disappeared into the dark. It seemed it was to be for good. Aragog could still see light and shadow, and in a way it was best he couldn’t see well, it wasn’t long before the one he thought he would spend the rest of his life with after Mosag’s death 

(Several weeks later, after the end of Chamber of Secrets)

Aragog sighed to himself, a dull ache thrumming in each of his limbs as his joints creaked with the effort it took to clamber back into his abode, nestled in the thickest roots in the Forbidden Forest. The canopy of leaves, vines, and moss suspended above by years and years of old webs (some woven by he, many now woven by his children) sheltered him and some smaller spiders, anywhere from as small as miniature ponies to as large as rhinoceroses, from the rest of the cold, dark world. 

“Why would he drive out on us? He promised us—he promised me—so much and here I am, left to figure this all out on my own. Figure out thousands of children and a deep, dark forest all on my own.” Aragog spoke, mostly to himself, but really to anyone who would pay him any mind. 

“Father, what about the small bearded one? Are you not alone with him to visit us with his little puppy?” quipped one of his many children in a raspy and yet disconcertingly squeaky, voice (think a cross between Animaniacs and a gremlin).

“Hagrid is no small man, my child, he is big for the rest of the pitifully small people. Only a man as large as he could have a heart worth not eating. Anyhow, even a friend as dear as Hagrid couldn’t fill the void that Carl leaving me has. I don’t know if I shall ever feel the happiness I once knew again with him gone.” 

“Aye, always so dramatic, aren’t ya? Yer heart can’t be so broken ye really don’t think you can love again eh Goggy?” boomed a loud and cheery voice clambering along in tough dragon leather boots, a large hound trotting next to him. It was Hagrid after all, speaking of the wizard himself. Aragog shuffled along and turned his numerous eyes away from Hagrid. No matter he couldn’t really see him anyway, it was the principle of the thing. He had no time nor mind for Hagrid’s incessant joy and optimism. He was lucky he didn’t eat him and the dog too.

“Don’t ye turn yer back on me like that, you great baby! What’s the matter now? Things weren’t right between you and him now for weeks.” 

“You wouldn’t understand, you don’t know how it feels to be abandoned by the one who could understand you when it seemed no one else could understand you. After Mosag I thought no one could fill her place and then I met him, only for him to disappoint me. Perhaps it would be best if I focused on my duties to this forest and my colony and not worry about love ever again.” Aragog knew he sounded a bit whiny and petulant (or as whiny as you can as a giant spider), but he didn’t care. Even if he knew deep down that things hadn’t felt right and he hadn’t really been happy with Carl at least for weeks, if not the whole time really, it didn’t make the hurt any less sharp. The betrayal of his lover taking his snack away, being the one to break them up. Their love had been fierce and fast and real, even if not always healthy. And Aragog hated to lose. 

“Come on now, you aren’t all alone. Even after poor sweet Mosag died, you still haven’t been alone.”

“You can’t possibly mean my children, they’re brutes, really Hagrid.”  
“Nay, not your little tykes no, Goggy.”

“Hagrid, I am eternally grateful to you for rescuing me, for bringing Mosag to me, and all the sacrifices you’ve made to preserve my presence in the Forbidden Forest, but you can’t possibly think your semi-monthly visits save me from boredom and loneliness?”

“Nay, not I or even little Fangy here. You have a friend, a friend who has known you longer than your heartache for Masog and longer than this automotive romance. You know exactly who I mean!” Hagrid boomed joyously, a mischievous twinkle undoubtedly in his eye. Aragog shifted slightly, though still not turning his cloudy sea of eyes to face him.

“Of course I love them, they’ve been a friend to me since I was just a hatchling. But they couldn’t possibly think of me like that. We couldn’t even be together, I cannot join his domain nor he mine. And besides, I resolved myself long ago to the fact that they and I were only meant to be friends, it is what they want clearly.”

“And how would you know a thing like that, ye silly lout?”

“They have never once approached me with the matter, not once in the 50-odd years we’ve known each other. It has always been what it is, friends who talk from afar in the dead of night when no students or staff will see me so close to the grounds. They would have said something by now if this is what they wanted.”

“Ye lazy lump. Ye just expect every love in yer life to come to ye, don’tcha? Like how I dropped off Mosag to you, like how that bloody car fell out the sky and drove out here to ye. I know he made the first move too, I’m sure of it. Why can’t ye use yer big fancy words to make a move yerself for once?” 

“Oh go away won’t you. It’s like you want me to change my mind about not killing you. You already sent those infernal children after me that started this whole mess with Carl. Now you come here telling me what to do in regards to my oldest and truest friend, my greatest love I have held at eight arms length for this lifetime for both of our sakes? Get out of here before I release my young on you!” Aragog spat back, finally scuttling all his legs around to lean his cloudy eyes as close to Hagrid as possible. He could see the smudge of light from his lantern swing a bit as Hagrid stepped back from him, Fang cowering behind his legs.

“Alright, ye grumpy old codger. Say I’m wrong, fine. Me and Fang will be on our ways then, we’ll see yer when we can next,” he replied defensively, though with his barely controlled grin creeping into his tone. He turned and patted his thigh so Fang followed, tail between his hind legs as he whimpered softly.

Aragog listened to the sound of Hagrid’s boots crunching through the underbrush, watched the fuzzy soft light of his lantern swing and bob along with him as he headed back out to his cottage. It must be just after midnight.

“Ye know I’m right!” came a sing-songy shout deep in the woods a few minutes later, and Aragog rolled his many eyes, wanting to be angrier at Hagrid but feeling too sorry for himself to manage it. He sat stewing in his nest, his large fuzzy limbs bowed out and resting around him. He caught himself thinking about what Hagrid had said, about his dear old friend, perhaps his first love, even before Mosag (even if he didn’t really know it until after her). They were likely resting, floating along the bottom of that mysterious Great Lake, their two longer extra arms waving and wiggling just near the surface.

(Sometime a few weeks before Hagrid was expelled from Hogwarts)  
It was true that the Great Squid was the first other creature Aragog met. The first time had been on one of his excursions while Hagrid was in class and Aragog had been small enough to get by on rodents and sneak in and out of the castle undetected with enough caution. His eyesight had been better then, and he’d gone down to explore the Great Lake Hagrid had whispered to him about at night in his dorm before his roommates came back.

Full of curiosity, the young Acromantula crept close to the water’s edge. At this point, he was the size of a large dog, and had the shadow stone statues and halls and the tree near the shore to thank for keeping him hidden from prying eyes. He looked at himself in the reflection of the lake, and was surprised to see eight long tentacles attached to a squid the size of a small orca whale approaching closer to the surface. They seemed to wave at him with their two extra arms, all many shades of deep purple. He focused all his eyes on this fascinating creature’s one visible square pupil. 

“Hello, who are you?”

“I am the Great Squid. Who are you?”

“Aragog. That Hagrid boy hatched me and kept me safe from the others. Pleasure to meet you. How long have you lived here?”

“Ah, not long. I have much growing to do before I am as large as my mother before me, the previous guardian of this lake. Just about a year.”

“Ah, I have been here almost a year, with Hagrid. Although, it is getting harder and harder to stay under his bed during the day. He fears I will be killed if I’m seen by others.”

“You are a magnificent creature, too great to be contained under a child’s bed, even one so caring for all us creatures here. One way or another, you will live a full life, outside those castle walls. I promise you that, my friend.”

Aragog had squirmed at that promise, with anticipation and delight at having a new friend and the world of possibility before him.

(Several weeks later, after the end of Chamber of Secrets)

Over the years, both had grown. The Giant Squid into...well...just that, a Giant Squid. A large guardian who filled the Great Lake and protected the school (while also inspiring a healthy dose of fear in students and staff alike), and Aragog into an Acromantula the size of a small elephant. They had shared many moments together, mostly at night as Aragog’s size had become more of a liability for being seen by others in the day time. When he first was blinded, Squid used his tentacles spreading in the network of waterways underneath the grounds and the Forbidden Forest to send vibrations in the earth that Aragog could feel so he could find his way around again as he adjusted to his change in perception.

They had always been there for one another, and Aragog had accepted it. The Giant Squid was a wonderful friend, a dear friend, and not a bad-looking cephalopod at either, but it was what it was meant to be. They, a wise and noble magical sea creature living in a magic lake, upholding a sacred duty as a guardian of the grounds of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He, Aragog, was a kidnapped creature who had just so happened to be passed along to a young wizard with a great affinity and deep passion for the care of all creatures, settled in a land he was never meant to know. Friendship was all he could ask for, and he was glad to have it. 

But was it enough? Was there always a possibility there I refused to let myself see? Aragog thought to himself with great concentration.

I know.

Aragog remembered the first time the two friends had shown each other the tenderness there could be between a giant purple freshwater cephalopod and a giant cannibalistic spider. When Mosag had died in the same accident that began his deteriorating eyesight, Aragog had been beside himself and Hagrid had been away on business for the school. He had felt a gentle thudding vibration from the earth below his nest, and had dragged himself to the edge of the lake closest to the forest.

“What’s wrong my old friend?” The Giant Squid had asked, full of concern.

“Mosag is gone.” 

The Giant Squid had floated up closer to the surface and listened to Aragog’s shaky tears and fears for himself and his many hungry children who longed for their vindictive but forceful mother who could always lead them to the best substitutes for a human diet throughout the woods. Then, they had done something so spectacular that Aragog had managed to realize despite the guilt over the death of his wife, that he had really loved his friend all along. Squid had reached up first one, then two, then all eight of their long deep purple tentacles with lilac and lavender suckers along the undersides up to breach the water. Each one had gently touched a foot (or really, a hand) of Aragog’s in a gesture of deep comfort and love. 

Aragog realized, in a moment of great joy and stupidity, that he had been looking at true love since that fateful day at the lake’s edge back in 1943. When he had lost his wife, who had had eight hands for him to hold, he had tried to replace and fill that void with the chaotic whirlwind romance with Carl. But, Carl, like most things touched by humans, was a spoiled thing from the start, a love not meant to last. And how could Aragog have wasted so much time giving his love to four wheels, when there were eight more hands to hold waiting for him just below the water?

Aragog heaved himself upright and began scrambling through the forest, hardly thinking and just moving to where he knew to go. It was still early, not yet 3 am. He would have time. He had to. He didn’t stop scuttling and shuffling until he made it by memory back to the lake’s edge.

“Squid, are you awake?”

A gentle ripple spread through the water as a single extra purple arm came up to investigate.

“Of course, always for you.”

“Squid, I feel so stupid, I feel I should have always known.It’s always been you. Maybe before Mosag as well but definitely since her. How could I have not seen?”

“I did try to warn you, you know. That it wasn’t good with that machine. I mean, I was never surprise he rolled out on you. But I feared the jealousy which colored my judgements would impact how honest I was with you, so I bit my tongue.”

“Well I, for one, am done biting my tongue. We have been meant to be from the start, even if I was too foolish to see it. I will always have you, if you will have me?”

“Of course, you silly arachnid. I am never too good, nor too great for love.”

“Get those tentacles out here you ponce.”

“Where’d you learn a word like that?”

“You hear a thing or two from those kids sent out on detention into the woods with Hagrid.”

“Ah, of course.”

The eight graceful tentacles came slipping out of the water, finding each of Aragog’s eight hands to hold. The two extra arm like attachments, longer and narrower than the tentacles, also snaked out of the water to caress Aragog’s face. It was a little uncomfortable for Squid, sure, but they knew it was worth it. For this moment that had finally arrived, the realization that their arachnid love had finally reached, it was worth it. Afterall, they had only a little while longer tonight, before the sun would rise and he would have to go back deep into the forest at least until the next nightfall. They decided they would savor it, in that moment. 

In the distance, a somewhat sad and mournful “Beep-be-beeeep beep beep be bee beep be-be-b-b-beep! Beep beep beep b-b-b-be-beep-be-beep bep bee be beep beep beep BEEP beep be-beep beep bep-beep-b-beep!” could be heard. [I loved you so, you silly spider. I could always see you weren’t going to see for yourself that your love belonged to them and couldn’t ever really belong to me. If leaving was what it took, for me to have the life I deserve and you the love you deserve, then so be it. I will never forget you or the step-spiders I helped raise like my own for the short time we had together. It was worth it, in my journey so far as a magically animated car, it was worth it for part of my journey to be you. It just could only be part. I wish you all the happiness and peace in the world, my dear Aragog.] In all honesty, it was mostly for him. 

From their windows as the dawn broke across the Scottish landscape, a few nervous 7th and 5th years who had been pulling all nighters could have sworn they had heard a sad car honk and seen a pale blue car floating up out of the trees in the Forbidden Forest and floating up to disappear into the clouds, as quickly as it had come. Others with windows facing out to the grounds claimed they had seen the Giant Squid waving goodbye to someone running back into the Forbidden Forest. None of them could have known, the great shift that had occurred just there. And none of them would know. But such it was, with the love stories and great saga of the romance of a one giant spider, Aragog. All the better that they do not know. It was his story to live, and his love to give.


End file.
